Personal Thoughts on Getting Back Together
Breaking up :
If you have a pulse and a heart that pounds in your chest, breakups hurt.
I do not care how long you dated, I do not care who they were, I do not care what the circumstances, I do not care if you thought they were "the one" … they hurt. The fact is you are no longer a couple. This of course does not make it any easier. The feelings of emptiness and abandonment are still wired up inside you and you feel as if your self-worth has plumeted.
You have all of these unanswered feelings that you want answers to when sometimes "it is what it is". We tend to have feelings of "If I could only talk to them … or see them" I could tell them how sorry I am and we could just be together. "WRONG !!!! TALK IS CHEAP. If you DON ' T want someone back …. talk to them … Talk to them until you are BLUE in the face …. it will DO NO GOOOOD right after a breakup. an ol 'pro …. IT HAS NEVER WORKED FOR ME. Begging, crying, pleading and communication in ANY WAY right after a breakup is like throwing a SALT in an open wound DO NOT DO IT!
Do not snoop! DO NOT IN ANY WAY FORM OR FASHION check their email (if you know their password) or their myspace (I HATE myspace) or anything else that relates to them. Why torture yourself or make yourself worry more.
If you are trying to "catch" your ex in something (cheating or dating behind your back) DO NOT! Who cares?!?!? If you find this out …. you are better off without them. Even if you confront them …. you are doing it out of hurt and revenge rather than being respectable and just letting them go. If they had the nerve to lie to you ….. they will lie to others. You are better off.
The best way to heal is to LET GO of the past. Letting go does not mean stop loving someone. It means letting go of something that probably will never be. The way I see it, if someone tells you "I do not know what the future will bring, but its possible we can work things out. a Publishers Clearing House Check for $ 1,000,000.00 for you POSSIBLY.
May sound silly but the logic is the same. If you were a gambling person, would you bet on a guaranteed sure thing …. or something else? I like things that are guaranteed. Why wait on something and put your life on hold for someone that has NO IDEA WHAT THEY WANT … but right now … THEY DO NOT WANT YOU. See if that last statement rings a bell with anyone.
I call this the "TOY BOX" theory …. Your ex only contacts you when they are bored or they have NO DATES. They pull you out, are very sweet to you and then you do not hear back from them for weeks. HELLLLLLOOOOO McFly? Why in the world would you want to put yourself through this? If they did not want a relationship, why in the world would you want to sell yourself short and think they want one now? THEY DO NOT !? They miss you sure … they just do not want to date you. Your not good enough, not what they expected, or think they can find someone better THAN YOU.
My best advice is ….. let them go. You go one way …. let them go the other. NEVER follow an ex. Let them come to you. I can not stress this enough. NEVER EVER EVER EVER …. follow someone that breaks up with you. They did it for a reason, though WE may not know their motives …. the fact is THEY DID.
MOST people do not want to purposely hurt you. Noticed I said MOST people but their are exceptions. If someone leaves you for someone else … clap your hands together and say "I am DONE !!" …. let them go. They made their bed …. let them lie in it. If they TRY and come back … have enough pride and self respect to NOT GIVE THEM THE TIME OF DAY. You deserve better and if you want it bad enough ….. you will get it.
Many of those out there that follow my advice know that I preach NO CONTACT. I want to make something perfectly clear. I have said it over and over and over again … but I want to clear the air on this subject:
NO CONTACT IS NOT A STRATEGY FOR GETTING YOUR EX BACK, it is for getting YOU back and BETTER than you were before. Why better? Because you HOPEFULLY will learn from your mistakes the first time. No contact is for you to learn that YOU DO NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOUR EX. It allows you to break the addictive habits of seeing and communicating with your ex and learning to "move on" with your life without them. This can be difficult to do … but it can be done. You have to have faith in yourself and think with your BRAIN and NOT with your heart. You have to "Reverse all gears" so to speak.
I also want to make another point perfectly clear:
NO CONACT IN ANYWAY means to STOP LOVING THEM. The way I see this is if you have an ex you really loved in the past … did you stop loving them? Or do you STILL love them but just not IN love with them. Its not semantics its the way it is. I have dead relatives that I still love with all my heart that are gone …. do I love them ANY LESS ….. NO WAY.
** REMEMBER **
There are things you can do to guarantee failure during NC (forced communication) but there are also things you can do to NOT GET THEM BACK … but to LOVE YOU BACK. To learn to let go and move on is one of the hardest things to do, but you must remember … time stands still for no one. The more you try to hash the past … the more you will stay there.
Can you go back in time? No … why try? I know its easier said than done, but you have got to be strong and NOT wallow in memories of "When we met things were perfect" …. What about now? Are they perfect now? I think not. The present is the logical choice.
If you keep asking yourself "What happened?" and they (you ex) just moved on …. and even said you two were just not compatible … that is a sure fire way of NOT accepting the truth. Refusing the truth and not dealing with the truth can be hard for some to accept. We are all naturally inquirable people. Do not let it get the best of you.
Most of us have a hard time letting go until we are mentally exahusted. We think if we "DO" this … or "SAY" that, that our ex's will come running back in our arms and lives and you guys will live happily ever after. WRONG !!!! Most of the time, the facts are …. we DO NOT get back together. Some push to hard … other refusal to let go …. others refuse to accept its over. It's really hard to know that someone you probably built your world around has left. OUCH! The fact is, you NEVER should have. Its OK to let someone in, and trust and love. I agree with ALLLL three BUT …. do NOT assume that "THEY ARE THE ONE EVER" … if it happens … it will happen naturally. You do NOT REVOLVE around your EX.
You must learn to let go before you can begin to heal. If you accept the fact that they are not coming back … you have a better chance of healing quicker. If your motive is getting back together …. you must LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. There are NO EXCEPTIONS. Do you think that drunken phone calls, text messages, crying and pleading are desirable? UM … NO !!!
When these things happen, I can almost guarantee that there is NO self love. Does that seem like a loving gesture? No way!
If you learn to love yourself ….. and respect yourself, you would NEVER do such a thing. Why lower yourself in your ex's eyes and make their decision for dumping you a "WISE" decision. If you have started to love yourself and healing has begun, it WILL NOT MATTER what your ex thinks anyway.
Will they ever come back ?:
If you have learned to love yourself ….. Why does this matter ?!
I hope this helps a few of you out there make sense of your situation.